I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
