see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
