I think my vagina is haunted
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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