mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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