mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
