You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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