well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
