I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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