There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
