You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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