Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
