Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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