A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
