Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
