Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
