just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
