He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
