I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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