you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
