I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
