Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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