I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
