very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
