You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
