I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my poor anus
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize