dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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