I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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