I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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