I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
