Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
