...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.