In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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