my mouth tastes like poor choices
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
