I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit