You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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