walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
