fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
