In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
