I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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