My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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