I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
