all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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