Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
