oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
