someone owes me an orgasm
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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