I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
