after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
