We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize