i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
