I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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