I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
