I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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