Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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