Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
