i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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