this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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