I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
