dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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