soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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