two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
