I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
