this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
