Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
