the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
