I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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