Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
