"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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