hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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