Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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