so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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