Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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