you're like a bully in the Christmas story
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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