I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
