Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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