apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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