My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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