Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
