So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
