I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
