WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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