I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
